I really wish I could just blink and this all could just go away. I never realized how difficult this would be. I'm not sure how I just "forgot" to think of the aftermath and all the suffering. I know we as a team made the right choice but I'm having a hard time sitting with that this morning. Then again I got zero seconds of sleep last night -- not much help for my already frazzled state.
Gavin is stable but understandably struggling. He kept a high temp all evening into this morning. He is in an indescribable amount of pain that we still do not have a handle on. The spinal block that that gave him in the OR did not take and he seems to be chewing through the morphine. We have also tired a few other things but none that has given him any relief. He has been dosing in and out but he wakes to a panic of pain and shaking.
Respiory wise he is doing great he was able to be extubated last night and is not requiring any O2. Fluid wise he is not doing so good. His labs are a mess this morning and he is very dry in his vessels yet leaking most of his fluid in his tissue and now the huge empty space in his belly. So this plan today is to give him more albumin and lot of fluid.
I hate the ostomy. I hate the new gtube. Just want to put that out there.
Adam went back to RM house late last night to get some sleep to that he can relieve me this morning for a few hours so I can shower.
This just really sucks.
Really, really sucks.
I'm ok, just need to get some sleep.