Wow-- what a past 48 hours it has been. Gavin is still fighting and we are just waiting for him to find peace. Yesterday around 3pm we made the decision to remove Gavin from the biPap as it was just acting like a ventilator and he was not triggering his own breaths.
We all mourned and cried as we said our final goodbye. The doctors waited in anticipation of the inevitable but that still, 8 hours later has not happened. Gavin decided to breath on his own. He is not breathing well and is only sating in the upper 70's right now and his lungs are filling with secretions.
This is not what we expected -- this is not what anyone expected. His CO2 levels are rising which may give him a peacful death but also triggers his body to breath. The doc said that when an individuals O2 is in the upper 70's they will see a cycle begin to occur. The body is triggered to breath and the O2 goes up a bit and then falls back down -- that's where we are at. It will not be until be is in the low 70's that his body will probably not be able to recover and then he will finally be at peace.
Adam and i are a mess. Yesterday when we took him off the biPap we mourned the loss of our baby boy. To have to watch him go through a slow death is almost unbearable. It will happen and we know that but it is difficult for us to see him as we already kinda let him go.
Madison is having a very difficult time as well and is very confused. My family came back to the hospital today and Madison did not want to come. She didn't understand why she had to come back -- why we were still here, if Gavin was already in Heaven. It's so hard.
Please pray so hard Gavin can stop fighting and just finally find some peace. He has fought so hard his entire life this is the only thing he knows how to do. It is horrible watching him go through this. We feel like we are having to watch him die twice.