It's over. We made it through our first Christmas without our little Gavin by our side. In all honesty it wasn't as bad as what I had thought it would be -- we actually managed to find special ways to remember our little boy in all the craziness of the holiday. Adam and I had a talk in the car on the way home from Christmas Eve service. We talked about what we thought it would be like if Gavin was still here and spending this Christmas with us here on Earth. Our first though was that we probably would have been in the hospital. Then we started thinking that Gavi probably would not have been cognitively in tack, so there would be no smiles and no opening of presents. We figured he probably would have been on a ventilator, if they even allowed us to be home, which means that Adam and I would have been so stressed out and not sleeping at all. Would we really have had a Christmas as all? -- probably not.
Gavin death will forever leave a huge scar on my heart, but during this Christmas holiday I started to recognize all the gifts he left behind for us -- his family. He gave us freedom, freedom to smile and laugh and to spend time with Madison. He gave us a deep longing to live life to its fullest potential, making memories out of what most would find to be trivial. He gave us the ability to love and to feel the deepest of love which really can only be felt after death -- when the longing to hold my baby goes deep to my core.
We spent some time at Gavin's grave on Christmas Eve -- it was an amazing time of just being still and recognizing the life that was once our little boy's. Madison sang and we all tried to hold it together while she sang, questioning "why God did you take my brother.." -- so sad to hear yet so healing for my little girl to put in words the questions she has in her mind. My mother had the idea for our family to release balloons on Christmas day -- we all watched the balloons float to the sky and yelled..
Merry Christmas Gavin!
19 comments:
Wow. Thanks for sharing that. I really admire your perspective and courage through this.
Every single time I read a new post on your blog, your family amazes me more and more. You're so inspiring with your outlook on life and at the issues the Lord has thrown at you. Hope you have a wonderful New Year!
What a cool thing to do-the balloon launch!
Have a good night!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, you truly have a gift for writing. The family pictures are beautiful. May your New Year be bright! God Bless and Keep You~we will always remember sweet Gavin.
So beautiful... I love the balloon idea! I can't imagine how hard this holiday season has been for all of you... though it sounds like Gavin left behind such great gifts for all of you. You, Adam, Madi, and Gavin, are such a blessing to so many lives. These pictures are so beautiful too! Merry Christmas!
Your pictures are beautiful. I see Gavin in your face, he looked like you. I am sorry for all the sorrow your have had to bear.
Like a few others have commented, your perspective makes all the difference. Lots of love
((Hugs)) I know Gavin was looking down on y'all while you celebrated Christmas this year and is probably so happy he got to listen to the Christmas story in heaven and sit in Jesus' lap =)
BTW - I love your hair, Karen. You look beautiful. Your eyes are smiling in these pictures and I know that even though all of this is very hard, your eyes haven't smiled in a while. It is nice to see in your pictures.
Beautiful post....thank you for sharing from your heart.
I prayed that you would be able to find some joy in your first Christmas without Gavin; even though it would be really hard....so glad to hear that God answered our prayers.
Don't you just wonder how Gavin spent his first Christmas in heaven?
Wonderful pictures....beautiful family!
Thats so beautiful. What a wonderful way to let your little girl express her feeling! Your strength is inspiring!
Out of everything you said, the part where you said "Adam and I had a talk". The two of you have to keep your lines of communication open. You may not feel the same way at the same time, but you have to be open to each others moods and feelings. Too many families fall apart when they lose a child. I know you both have been given strength by Gavin...his gift to you...and you need to draw on that together.
You amaze me. Each time I read your blog, you have a new perspective on life that just blows my mind. I admire how strong you are in the face of tragedy. I am glad that you had a wonderful holiday.
I love your Christmas photos Karen!
Merry Christmas Gavin!!!
How very beautiful. I love the balloon idea.
Happy Christmas! Karen, I wanted to say that in recent pics your face seems different...I'm not sure what it is :) and it's good {not anything weird}. But even in the midst of losing Gavin you are shining beautifully.
I don't know if that makes sense, but even from afar you look different. {maybe it's finally sleeping?} or just the lowered stress.
You look beautiful. And so does Madison.
Praying for her little heart as she processes truth and loss. Praying for you and Adam.
God bless you guys!
J.
ps Adam looks handsome too. :)
Love the pics of the family-and you look fantstic in these! Madison.is.absolutely.adorable!!! Continuing to pray for you and the fam.
Madison has grown up so much in the last few months. She's such a doll!
I just wanted you to know that I have continued to pray for each of you as you journey each day without your little boy's physical presence.
I thank you for sharing so much of you and I give God the glory for your strength.
thank you so much for continuing to share your story. the christmas eve service was wonderful with the owens family. adam's singing was amazing, and to see the three of you together, with little madison singing happy birthday was a beautiful picture. i am truly inspired by you and your family. i hope you all had a great christmas remembering gavin. thanks so much!
Every day I come to this sight and you seem to amaze me more then the time before. I admire your courge and strenght. Your family has had one hell of a three years, yet you find the strenght to find the good. You are truly an amazing person and family. To look into your faces (eyes) and still see the happness your family express. This is truly unbelievable. Your family is such an inspration to all. Happy New Year Gavin, Hope 2010 bring you all the fun things you missed here on earth. Enjoy each day our little boy, you have now come to know what life can really be like, running and playing with all gods children. All the people her on earth will miss that smile but dont you worry your mommy and daddy are making sure none of us forget you. Adam, Karen thank you for sharing your 2009 life with all of us. We have all grown more then you will ever know, each of us now kiss and hold our children and loved one in a little different way. May the new year bring new and fun things to you and your family. Continue to follow the road the lord is laying for you. HAPPY NEW YEAR Owens Family.....
Julie from Wi
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