After a terribly long an difficult week it was decided that since Daddy was going out with the guys to the Philadelphia Auto Show that the girls needed to get out as well! Madison and I decided to go to the movies and see the Tooth Fairy. It was a great movie and I had a wonderful time spending time with my little girl.
I have been struggling a lot with the effects of Gavin's death on our little girl. After starting her in Art Therapy the therapist has pointed out some stuff to us that Madison struggles with as a direct result of her difficult first four years -- it's hard to hear. Even though I know without a shadow of a doubt that Adam and I both gave Madison everything we could give, both physically and emotional, fact is there were so many factors that we had no control of and were inevitable such as lack of stability and being put in situations that even would scare a grown man or woman. I often feel so much pain -- just to know that my little girl is in pain. She misses her brother. She is bored -- and it's not boredom that can be solved by more activities or a play date. It's a missing piece in her life -- the same deep painful void we as adults feel after loosing Gavi.
With all my worries and concern for my little girl I somehow still feel a pretty good sense of peace. I am choosing to trust in God -- that in the times Adam and I could not provide for Madison, while we were in the moments of crisis and trying to keep Gavin alive, He came and stepped in. When she needed to be held -- He was there to hold her. I still worry as a mother but I'm also choose to believe God's hand has been on my little girl since the day of her birth.
Just look at her -- she is so stinkin' beautiful, way beyond her cute little smile.