Tuesday, January 26, 2010

New Season...

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There have been so many changes in our life over the past four months that they all seems to get lumped together under the heading of Gavin's death.  Everything from losing Gavin, to moving into a new house that same weekend as Gavi's death, all the holidays, catching up with old friends, me getting a job, Madison starting new classes at the YMCA and the list just seems to go on.

In all these changes there is one change that has really been made clear to me over the past week.  Our family is entering a new season of life.  This new season, or time of our life, isn't just because Gavin is no longer with us -- it's much more than that.  This new season means our house is no longer a nursery -- there are no baby toys or diapers.  If we sleep in we can probably expect that Madison would have gotten her self up, turned on the TV and maybe even made her own breakfast.  This new season is actually kinda nice.

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Even though Gavin's death is still so heartbreaking for all of us, one of the things that helps me cope is to take time to thank my little boy for all the little gifts he left behind -- after all he is the one who kinda pushed us into this next season.  I think about how in the sorrow of Gavin's death he left Adam and I such a deep sense of joy -- a deep joy that we hadn't felt in a long time.  He left behind freedom for his family, giving us the ability to just go where ever we want to go and spend as much time with Madison as we want.  He helped us to find the deepest love for each other and the intense desire just to be a family -- our little family of three.

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As we enter this new season, there are so many unknowns -- we have so much to learn regarding how to live.   It seems to be a time of discovery and emancipation from dependence on others -- a time to make our own path.  I must say, so far I'm really liking this place in life.

21 comments:

Phyllis said...

sounds like when you get off a roller coaster and look around realizing you are still standing,a bit beaten up but still standing

Anonymous said...

Enjoy the journey! Karen, thank you for sharing your thoughts here...I know that I have said that before, but all the more now! After losing my brother last year and going through Grief Share. I can see how easy it is for families to get stuck, not letting themselves move on to their next season. Your family is such and encouragement to others, thank you!!! Be blessed and be safe in Him! ~Deb Heisey

The Sutherlands said...

You are an amazing woman of strength!

I have to say that while I am a Christian woman and very prayerful, I don't always act accordingly. In my moments of "human" I often think of your journey and how I SHOULD be acting (i.e. grateful, happy, and blessed). So, thank you for providing me with an extra push to be a better person... a nicer person... a grateful person!

You and your family have made a HUGE impression on my life...

(does that sound horribly self- involved?)

Shari said...

You have been such an encouragement to so many others. I am so glad that you see this new season in the eyes that you do. Praying for your family daily.

sarah said...

Karen as always, LOVE the new pics of Madi!! Your strength and faith are an inspiration to me........you go girl!!

Cathy said...

I still come back to see his precious face. I came in late on your blog, but he was an amazing lil guy who had a major impact. Your little girl is precious and I love all your photos. Praying for your heart each day. Praying that when God calls our Annabel home I am strong and filled with faith just like you.

Lisa said...

Your positivity is very inspiring! You have a beautiful family and wish all the best in this "new season"!
Be well!
Lisa :)

John said...

:-)

Anonymous said...

Your comments sound like your son was a burden to you rather than a gift of love.

Anonymous said...

Wow Anonymous#2. Apparently you haven't spent much time around this blog to see how much this family loved this little boy and gave him the best life possible despite of all his medical conditions

how about u spend some time reading the old posts or look at these beauitful pictures of this family and see how much this family loved their son instead of just spewing out ur ridiculous comments

Anonymous said...

Anonymous #2: I am still in disbelief over your post. Karen, Adam and Madi did whatever they could to make Gavin as happy, safe and comfortable as possible. They did everything to make his years as "normal" as possible.
Karen, you are such an inspiration to so many others. Thank you for being so positive. I am glad to see that you are enjoying your new season.
Tina

Reesha said...

Karen,
Don't let the "Anonymous" negative posters get to you. There are always trolls on good sites. There is always someone who is jealous of your happiness and never happy with themselves.

I think all too often, people have unrealistic expectations of how people should grieve and live their lives after loosing someone.

It is ok to be happy, relieved and thankful! Coming from someone who has cared for someone who is terminally ill, I can totally relate. Congratulations at reaching that point!

Kristina said...

This is such an interesting post to me. I've talked to a couple of parents and neither road is easy - endless caretaking as children grow older or losing a child and freeing up some time to give your other child(ren) a more normal.

I think it's not up to us to wonder about this, but our calling to enjoy the life we are given. Each person is special and adds a different dimension to life. It seems like Gavin certainly added a dimension to so many and for that the world is a better place.

I'm glad you are starting to settle into a new normal.

Anonymous said...

As sad as it is, I must agree with Anonymous. Maybe the posts regarding your new chapter in life are just being interpreted wrong by your followers. You do appear to be so excited about having the burden of a sick child off your shoulders. I have followed your blog for Gavin's whole life and was always in awe with your strength and commitment. There is no doubt you loved your little boy more than life, but it does appear you have moved on very quickly and have already redefined yourself as a family of three. I hope we are all wrong! Thanks for listening...we don't want to hurt your feelings we just want to share OUR feelings with you...the same way you do for all of us. I think that if I lost a child I could never say that our family of four is now a family of three. That fourth person would always be there, if only in spirit and memory. I also won't be another anonymous poster as I feel that that is so spineless.
Lisa

Phyllis said...

I think some relief is inevitable since this last few years have been so tough on you emotionally, physically and financially. I think most of us totally get what you are saying, that you have no choice but to look at the positives and adjust to this new life. What good is it for Madi to constantly stand in the shadows of her brother. You are doing the right thing by looking forward and accepting your family for what it is right now rather than what it could have or should have been. I'm also wondering if part of the sense of a burden being lifted is the pain of watching your son go through all that he went through. I know that is a huge part of it for me although my boys have fewer medical needs than Gavin.

Jessica said...

Wow. Sometimes we just need to learn to keep our opinions to ourselves. Really? These anonymous comments are disgusting. Why hit the "publish your comment" button if you are going to spout filth on someone's blog? Why bother?

Karen and Adam and Madison...you do what you need to do. Call your family whatever you want. Grieve in the ways you need to. Express relief. Express sorrow. No one knows what you are experiencing because Gavin was yours.
I've been reading this blog since Gavin had his major bowel surgery {a year ago?}...and watching/reading what your family went through I just can't even imagine.
You are brave, so brave. And loved.
Delete the idiotic comments! seriously. No one wants to read it.

On a totally unrelated note: I gave your blog an award today {before I hopped over here and read people's weirdness}...check it here: www.jezamama.blogspot.com

God Bless!

Lorra said...

Karen, Sorry you have to read hurtful posts. I love your family and have never met you. Yes, you are a family of three. That doesn't mean that you will ever forget little Gavin. You must move on for the sake of yourselves and Madi... who need a new season in life. God had his plan for this family and it was to only have Gavin for a short time. Karen, Adam and Madison will always keep the memories of Gavin close, but at the same time they have to move on...it's healthy! God Bless the Owens!

Stephanie said...

I truly appreciate your candidness and honesty Karen. I also really appreciate your openness to others with questions. You have every reason to try and embrace this season of life. I hope you all find joy in this season!

Stephanie

all4boys said...

I think that unless any of US have walked this road, then we should all SHUT UP. Only God, Karen, Adam and Madison know how hard this road was. Of course this comment is only meant for the negative "anonymous" people.

Karen, I hope that in no way you are listening to these comments. Good for you~God has given you strength for this time.

Love in Christ.

Anonymous said...

Please dont judge this beautiful family. When you dont walk the same path, you have no right to pass judgement. I understand the importance of stepping up and forward for the sake of your living child. Yet at the same time never forgetting the child God has taken home.

Anonymous said...

Well Lisa, I'm glad you won't be so 'spineless' by not being anonymous so listing your first name (NO PICTURE, LAST NAME) tells us all who you are! I mean, come on, we all know who Lisa is, don't we??

Karen ~ we don't know each other, but in following your story, I know you are an amazing mother and wife! You words are so true and you live in the moment. Wish we could all do that. It allows us to feel real pain and to also recognize the times of happiness. I'm glad to hear you have begun to define your 'new' life. That is what God would want for your family. Only those with strong spiritual guidance and belief could do is so gracefully as you and your family does it. I hope life only brings you happiness from this day forward! ~ Sincerely Erin