There have been so many changes in our life over the past four months that they all seems to get lumped together under the heading of Gavin's death. Everything from losing Gavin, to moving into a new house that same weekend as Gavi's death, all the holidays, catching up with old friends, me getting a job, Madison starting new classes at the YMCA and the list just seems to go on.
In all these changes there is one change that has really been made clear to me over the past week. Our family is entering a new season of life. This new season, or time of our life, isn't just because Gavin is no longer with us -- it's much more than that. This new season means our house is no longer a nursery -- there are no baby toys or diapers. If we sleep in we can probably expect that Madison would have gotten her self up, turned on the TV and maybe even made her own breakfast. This new season is actually kinda nice.
Even though Gavin's death is still so heartbreaking for all of us, one of the things that helps me cope is to take time to thank my little boy for all the little gifts he left behind -- after all he is the one who kinda pushed us into this next season. I think about how in the sorrow of Gavin's death he left Adam and I such a deep sense of joy -- a deep joy that we hadn't felt in a long time. He left behind freedom for his family, giving us the ability to just go where ever we want to go and spend as much time with Madison as we want. He helped us to find the deepest love for each other and the intense desire just to be a family -- our little family of three.
As we enter this new season, there are so many unknowns -- we have so much to learn regarding how to live. It seems to be a time of discovery and emancipation from dependence on others -- a time to make our own path. I must say, so far I'm really liking this place in life.