Yesterday was a very weird day from the start to the end. It was kinda like one of those moments in life where you all the sudden stop and have this creepy sense that you lived this moment in time before. Yesterday was Madison's big day -- the huge monsters in her mouth were removed in hopes that she will be able to stay illnesss free for more that a week at a time and also that her speech would catch up with her peers.
Our day started pretty darn early and included a 5am gym run for me and an early breakfast consisting of jello and apple juice for the soon to be patient. We all packed up and headed down to duPont Children's Hospital to send Madi off to surgery -- the same operating room that helped give our little Gavin more time on earth here with us. It would not be strange for Gavin to visit the OR up to four times, maybe more a month. It was one of my most least favorite places in the hospital -- yet the one place that gave me hope that we were actually "doing" something to help our little boy.
As we helped Madison get checked in, I can probably assume all our minds were being flooded with memories. All the same equipment that Madison's brother lived with attached to his little body she was now getting her chance to try out -- for real. Madison asked if she could bring a photo of her brother into surgery with her -- she griped that photo the entire visit. He went into to OR with her and was there in recovery by her side.
One of the most surreal moments came after Adam and I came back into recovery and waiting for her to wake up. Adam stepped away for a minute and I sat there and starred at my beautiful little girl. As I looked as her soft pale face and watched her breath through the LMA tube and O2 mask, our nurse said, "She looks just like her brother." I'm not sure what touched me more, the fact that Madison looks like her little brother or the fact that this women who often took care of my little boy still remembers what his face looks like.
As I watched Madison wake up and experience the pain of the surgery for the first time I was reminded who our little boy dealt with this day in and day out -- just gave me a nice reminder why his death was ok. Needless to say it was a weird day -- trying to comfort my little girl while my mind was replaying the life and death of my little boy.
In the end, Madison did an amazing job. She woke up from the anesthesia like a champ and drank and slushy and ate a popsicle right way. She was saying, "Ahhh" for anyone who asked and was feeling pretty darn good with all the pain meds. She did great when we got home and ate more than we expected including a bowel of soup and mac and cheese. Last night as a little rough, but nothing that a little ice pop and chased by pain meds didn't take care of. This morning she is running around the house with mommie reminding her that she just had surgery yesterday and she needs to relax.
She is just like her brother. My children don't know how to relax, or complain. They love life -- even if it includes some discomfort.
Gavi -- Thanks for watching over your big sister yesterday.