Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Simply Mommie...

It's fascinating to look back over a span of time and see how the roles we play as a person change.  I've always been a girl, but one day I took on the role as women.  I've always been a daughter, but then I became a wife and then eventually a mother.  My journey as a mother started as a new mommie learning the ropes and later morphed into the role of mother but with intense challenges.  Every mother has one job -- to nurture.  To provide an environment for her children to grow and thrive.  My one job turned into a very difficult one -- to keep my little boy alive despite a cruel devastating disease slowly overtaking his little body. 

I was officially welcomed into the special needs community.  I was the proud mother of an adorable little girl, healthy and strong and a little boy whose every breath was a fight for life.  Even though I was still a mother -- it all changed.  Being a mother to a special needs child is a unique experience -- one that no what to expect when you are expecting book can ever prepare you for.  Being a mother to a terminal child with special needs is not only difficult but changes the very process of motherhood -- you are no longer preparing your child for life -- but rather death.  Being a mother to a terminal child with special needs along side other siblings is just a whole different scenario.

Before Gavin died I wanted so bad to be the mommie my little girl needed. I think I did a pretty good job but fact is it was very difficult. It's difficult to explain the intense battle a mother faces as she tires to give her typical children a normal life and at the same time give the child with special needs the extra time and care they need in order to thrive. After Gavin died, I took on a new roll that I haven't seen in several years -- simply mommie.This past week I've really tried to embrace my new roll -- simply mommie. All the other roles I've played over my lifetime have prepared me for this time -- to be this type of mommie.  I'm striving to become an intentional mommie -- to make an intentional effort to give my little girl the love she needs and deserves.  I know my little girl knows I love her -- but do I tell her enough.  I want to touch and kiss her more, as I now know well the feeling of no longer having that touch.  I want to let her know she is an amazing child -- to make it a point to use the words beautiful, special, amazing, important and loved as apart of our daily conversations.

For now this is my role -- and I choose to embrace this beautiful role as I know it will soon change again. 


Jessica said...

All my babes are sleeping, but after reading this post I think I might go kiss and tuck blankets a second time.
You are a good mom, Karen.

Anonymous said...

Well said, Karen. Your priorities are right on target. The time is fleeting that's for sure!

Just Another Ordinary Miracle said...

Our everyday is that constant battle to be a special mommyalongside being the normal mommy. Providing what all three of our children need. And not a night that my head hits the pillow do i wonder, is it enough?

Heidi said...

Karen, I love what you wrote, so true. I try very hard to find the right balance between Jacks needs and his siblings. No one shows you "how" to be this Mommy. Thanks for all you do for special Mommies everywhere and for Mito awareness.

Whatever Mommy you are tomorrow, I know youll be amazing.
Heidi & Jack.

Anonymous said...

Karen, You are an amazing Mommie!!! Your kids are blessed to have you. ~Marilyn M

Ash said...

Nicely worded and so true! It's a delicate balance, one that I struggle with daily.

I'm happy to hear you're embracing your current Mommyhood.


Cory said...

This post was wonderful. I know there are so many of us "special and normal all in one mommies" out there. Very well stated.
I have found myself in this situation for longer than expected and have learned to accept and love being a mommy to both my special and normal child.
Hope your day is good.