Saturday, May 1, 2010

Adjusting to Peace...


Adam and I are the pround owner of a 2001 Ford Windstar. I have to admit when we first purchased this van a few years back I was not a big fan of entering the "mommie driving minivans club", but it was a much needed step in our journey.  We had purchased the van to prepare for Gavin's first wheelchair and after I started driving it around I quicky fell in love.

Our van does not have much monetary value but it holds so many memories of my little boy. We had used funds raised by our community to have the van equipped with a wheelchair ramp so Gavin could use his new power chair -- sadly Gavin died two days before we picked up the newly renovated van.

To get back to my point -- our van is great but has this crazy glitch where sometimes when I drive the airbag light starts blinking. Every time I see that darn light flashing I can help but flinch just waiting for the airbag to blow up in my face -- it never does but I still flinch every time.


This is a perfect example to help explain my current state in life. Things are so quiet, filled with lots of peace and normality of life, but there is still a huge part of me waiting for that airbag to blow up right in my face. After living in intense crisis for four years it is a huge adjustment to be living in peace. Could it be that this peace has been there all along -- just hidden underneath the chaos of our crisis?

It's something to think about -- something for me to think about. In the meantime I'll soak up all the peace I can get my hands on. It sure does feel good.


Carolyn said...

You have one very beautiful, precious daughter. Your pictures of her can light up my face when I see them. I'm still praying for all of you.
In His great love,
Carolyn O'Cain

Jessica said...

"Open the gates that the righteous nation may enter,
the nation that keeps faith.
You will keep in perfect peace
him whose mind is steadfast,
because he trusts in you.
Trust in the LORD forever,
for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal." (Isaiah 26:2-4)

I think your peace was there all along. This is just a different season...where you can feel it and rest in it differently.
Love these pictures. Madison is so beautiful. Happy Saturday.

Reesha said...

The flash of the air bag just might be Gavin saying hello. Embrace it :-)

Heidi said...

Karen, these pictures of Madison are gorgeous as usual, her smile is contagious! I can only imagine what its like for you both to adjust to this new normal, after years of caring for little Gavin. Peace is surely welcomed.

Thank you for stopping by our son's blog last week. I didnt guess Gavin had seen Dr. S. since we live so far North. He does great work for so many Mito families, I know Jack is in good hands. Thanks for your thoughts, may you continue to find peace thru your journey, hugs and prayers--
Heidi & Jack.

Francine said...

I've been curious about this for a while and talk about the wheelchair gave me the courage to ask. Did Gavin ever walk? And if not, why? Were his legs not strong enough?
I hope you don't mind me asking.
-Francine from Connecticut

Karen Owens said...

@ Francine -- thanks for asking! Gavin was never able to walk. He has very developmentally delayed. He had poor muscle strength and in his last months had difficulty even sitting up.

It's very common for children who are very I'll to not learn how to walk untill 3 or even older due to time spent in a hospital or even just sick.

Another issue was Gavin's medical equippment. He would have never been able to carry a backpack with his equipment in it, at times he was hooked up to 5 or more IV lines not to mention his urine and gastric bags along with his O2!

The thought of it actually makes me smile. He was so Toney and his equippment weighed 10times
his weight.

With that said some kids learn to manuvre despite the medical equippment. I've seen toddlers pushing the toy shopping carts or pulling play wagons with all their "stuff" inside!

I'm always willing to answer questions!

Andrea said...

I stumbled upon your website while googling broad street run results. I am so sorry for your loss. Take comfort in all your sweet memories of Gavin. The first year is so incredibly difficult.

Losing my dad to cancer inspired me to start running. I help plan a race every year to benefit lung cancer. If you need help or have any questions about planning a race, please reach out to me.

you can contact me through:

Jen said...

Maybe it's a ford thing. I had an escape that did the same thing!

Francine said...

Thank you Karen. I hope you have a great weekend.