Thursday, June 24, 2010

{She's Bored -- Again.}


Summer is in full force and we are meeting it head on.  This summer brings lots of busyness for my life as everyone loves summer photos, which makes for a very busy photographer!  We have been spending lots of time at the pool and Mommie and also been devoting lots of time and energy to the Littlest Heroes Project, for which I am now the state coordinator.  

With all this summer fun and excitement my little girl is still so bored.  After loosing her little brother she also lost her most favorite playmate ever.  Even though Gavin was not able to walk or crawl around and had limited speech he still loved to play just like any other little boy.  Madison and Gavin would have so much fun together.  Gavin was always Madi's guaranteed audience!  He loved his big sister and would watch every move she made.


We have had lots of people mention how they are sure Madison is really needing time with just Mommie and Daddy to heal and make up for lost time.  Although there is some truth to this -- in many ways this couldn't be farther from the truth.  Please remember that just becasue you think somthing would work well for your family if you were if our shoes, just doesn't mean it would work for us or any other family dealing with loss.  Untill you fully walk through a very smiliar experince with the death of a child, it is nearly impossible to graspe what life after is like.  And that's ok -- but it's good to keep in mind. 

While Gavin was alive we lived a full and active life.  If it wasn't for those darn hospitalizations, Madison would have lived a life just like any other kid.  We never let her be pushed aside, there really is no lost time to be made up for.  If anything, Madison is getting so tired of just hanging with Mommie and Daddy.  We just aren't the same.   Parents can never fill the special role a sibling plays.  Madison can never do sneaky thing with Adam or I without her parents knowing!  Those kinds of things are what childhood is all about -- and it makes me sad that Madison is missing out.

I fully understand that many children live their entire lives as the only child.  But Madison was never meant to be only child.  Madison is not an only child -- even if her brother's physical presence in not here. So that leaves me to my point. 

The girl is bored out of her mind.


Mommie just doesn't think silly bandzs are as cool as she thinks they are.  I have a hard time laughing while she jumps on and off the couch for the millionth time.   Gavin, however -- he would have rocked those silly bandzs!

So I guess we just keep going.  Trying to give her the love she needs and connections outside the home she craves.

I think we will all be ok.


Anonymous said...

I found that when my kids were about Madison's age, they had a great time playing with kids at school - but didn't always make the connection that we could get together outside of school too. I kind of had to prompt them with, "Would you like Heidi to come play at our house today?" I usually found that when I called the other parent, instead of being wary, they were so relieved because their kid was bored too! Summer is hard for the little ones. Just taking them to the park with another mom and her kid/s is a great way to burn some time. Don't be afraid to call moms from Madison's school, swim lessons, etc. that you don't know that well - trust me - their kids are driving them crazy at home just like yours!

Danielle said...

your words are very true. nothing compares to a a sibling, i see it here. People whom have never walked this life feel as though we cant possibly give enough attention to all our children because the sick one needs it all. That the healthy one gets pushed aside. And that the healthy one needs to make up for lost time. If anything they are sick and tired of mom and dad. And your right its not true and being able to devote the attntion to all our children is a gift we types of parents have. Nothing compares to a classmate, no child in the park, no mom or dad. There will forever be a void in her heart just like there is for you. I see it with my own kids after Ryan died and i will see it again when Chase passes. And on a side note you and i both know that after that playdate or special outting with you or adam she will once again be bored because her special friend is not here. Hugs to you...its not fair how we have to watch our boys leave us and deal with our own pain but to see that the pain continues in our other little ones is awful to bear as well. HUGs to you.

Kristina said...

I know what you mean about children that don't move and have limited speecah but still love to play with their siblings. Emma just LOVES to play with Julia and Julia is always guaranteed some great laughs for just about anything she does. She also has a built in child to play with when we play house. I bet Madison had the best time playing with Gavin and the boredom in the summer time must be very real to her.

Here's to hoping that she soon finds a great friend/playmate at the pool, in the neighborhood, or somewhere else you frequent often to help fill some of her time with playmates.

Heather said...

I know you all will.We have glimpsed that to be true through the the amazing open,honest and beautiful posts of these last several months.You all continue forward with grace and beauty and love and laughter and most of all,faith.with those things,you will be more than okay.

Phyllis said...

My daughter always says she wishes she were an only child because of having two annoying little brothers. Then as soon as they are gone she misses them and doesn't know what to do with herself. You are right, there is nothing like that sibling relationship-regardless of how they became siblings or their abilities/inabilities. I hope that when Madi starts school she finds a girlfriend with whom she can share some of those things. I totally get that no one can tell you what you or your family needs.

Anonymous said...

just to let you know those silly bandz are known to cut off circulation.. so watch out for that. the public schools are trying to ban them from kids wearing them to school.