Friday, July 23, 2010

Wanting What Other's Got...

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This post was originally written in May of 2010 --  the words still ring true today and I'm sure they will for rest of our lives.  I just found it sitting unpublished and decided to share.


The other day I attended an absolutely beautiful baby shower for a friend who will soon welcome a little girl into this world.  I had no expectation on how I would feel going to a baby shower, as this was my first one since my little boy died.  There is something about being in a room with lots and lots of women, mothers and grandmothers that is a unique experience in its self.

I found myself wanting what she and so many other's mother in that room had -- the normalcy of life.  The natural process of bringing forth life into this world and watching it grow to adulthood.  The sheer joy that comes from new life -- the part that doesn't include watching the tiny white casket being lowered into the ground.

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It's so easy after experiencing the death of a child, or even the diagnosis of anything outside normal, to continually be blasted the monster called wanting what other's got.  It's a horrible monster to befriend as it never allows the joy to be seen in my current circumstance and rather always classifies my life as sub-par.

I'm learning it's all about choices.

I choose to embrace the life that God has laid before me.  It certainly doesn't mean I agree with the Big Man's plans and wouldn't have made things happen a different way.  But it does mean that if I can allow myself to stop looking at what other's have I will be blown away with the amazing things God has set before me -- the incredible beautiful that is growing out of the ugliest of circumstances.  

16 comments:

Kirsten Yarnall said...

Beautiful. We sadly all have moments where we fight that monster. Some of our reasons are bigger than others but it's still the same monster. And your right~how we deal with what this life throws us~is a choice. You seem to be making some of the toughest choices day to day. I'm sure that sometimes those choices go moment to moment. God is helping you to make those choices beautifully. Yes~Your life IS blessed.

~Tara said...

I stumbled upon your blog from the photography site a few weeks ago. While I have no where near the experiences you have, I can tell you that I wanted what others had too once upon a time, I was jealous of "normal kids". My daughter was born with what's called 'transverse deficiency'. It just means that she was born without an arm. Nothing terminal. When she was first born, I had a slight jealousy for mothers who had "normal kids" - I wanted her to be normal - for her...and me. So she doesn't have to deal with the stares, the questions, the hurtful statements for the rest of her life. But a year and a half later, I wouldn't change her for the world. She has taught me more about life in her 1 1/2 years here than I could teach her in a lifetime. She saved me.

Thank you for sharing your family's story with us.

Tara - Mom to Christopher and Eleanora <3

Ash said...

(((hugs))) I understand this monster of "wanting what others got" that you speak of. Over the years and through the struggles I've learned to embrace the life we've been blessed with. However, the feelings of "wanting what others got" does still creep in every now and again, unfortunately. It's a battle within that I've learned to conquer more times than not.

Thank you for sharing your family's journey, Karen.

I also look forward to hearing and seeing pictures of the Tri! (your previous post) You're so inspiring.

smilingfaces said...

very touching....

Phyllis said...

I too have befriended the monster and am there much more than I want to be. This anger is quickly followed by guilt. Its amazing how I can conjure up this vision that parents with typical kids are just breezing through life. I know this is not the case. Anyway, thanks for your honesty. I look forward to your posts and pictures.

Anonymous said...

On my different levels, I understand "wanting what other's got..." I struggle with that daily and have for the past 4 years. I think a part of that will always be with me as I look at all my friends with their healthy, happy children--and also those having more of what I so desperately seek.

Missy said...

Oh yes...I too stumble around with those feelings of wanting what others have..and wanting what I had imagined I would have.
I am still on the journey of grief for my child and her disability, I still try to remind myself everyday how lucky I am in many ways but I still grieve and wish for the normal.
Hugs xx

Just Another Ordinary Miracle said...

Karen- Transparency is one of your magical gifts. Thank you. Thank you for making me feel so normal in such an 'unnormal' life. Our normal - but not typical normal. Thank you for bringing out other responses - leveling the playing field that those feelings are not necessarily selfish, just normal. Some days it's all I have to fight the monster -- already dreading the beginning of school this year when Ivey will officially not attend the school her brothers attend - another first of many past and more to come...love to you my sweet friend. You are precious -

Anonymous said...

I got really upset when i went to a moms club, At this club there were mothers feeding there babies that were the same age as my baby when she passed away. No one had any idea what had happend to me, they just carried on like normal, I wanted to scream, when i left i started crying and have never been back since.

Mo said...

I've been a 'lurker' (as the blog world may call me) of your blog for a while now. I applaud you for your perspective and for your ability to push on. Your family is beautiful; all four of you.

I get you...though I have not had the same experiences as you, I understand the wanting what other's have part. My daughter has CP and living with CP, both as a child and as her parents, is all together different than that of a 'normal' family. Normal seems easy but sometimes normal just doesn't seem as sweet either.

Thanks for sharing your very personal stories.

Phyllis said...

I keep coming back to read this post bc it helps so much to know that someone else knows 'wanting what others got'

Colton's Journey said...

I would love to learn some of your lessons....

Anonymous said...

I can't imagine how hard it must be to lose a precious child! I am a christian dealing with depression. I have 3 children 2 boys 8 and 6 both of which have mental health issues. Everyday is a struggle and I try to use heart breaking stories like yours to make me be more thankful. I am regreting having my children as I don't feel strong enough to help them. "what have I done and it's all my fault for being stupid" are two things I say to my self on a daily basis! You are blessed to have a support system around you. I only hope God can get through to me soon, because I sure am struggling. Believe it or not I even wish for what you have had in your life over mine.

Sarah B. SMITH said...

I found your blog from http://ministrysofabulous.com

My heart just ached for you when I read your story and seeing gavin's sparkling blue eyes. I am dealing with "wanting what other have" right now as well because in a few weeks will mark 1 yr since my mom won her battle with cancer and is dancing in heaven. I can't say and will not even try to understand how it is to lose a child. I just see others with their moms and want so badly to talk with her again, laugh, or just lay my head on her shoulder. I know she is healed and so is your precious son! They are laughing in heaven. I know it doesn't make it any easier and I ache for her but I know she is in a better place. God bless you! I love your photography as well. I enjoy that as one of my hobbies.

Heather said...

The other day I sat in the neurology waiting room with Zoey.People watching.One of my girl and I's, favorite things to do,especially at Starbucks.

Anyway,beside us sat a girl,probably about 16,with Down syndrome.She immediately said,"Your baby is cute.What is her name?"and "I like that name."We chatted,I said goodbye and went into our room.When Zoey's Dr. came in and started talking about Zoey and her life as we see it now,I began to retell the story of the girl in the waiting room and I said,"I know we will never have that.I know Zoey will never be that girl."The tears took me by surprise.Left field.Unexpected.

My "wanting what other got" moment,didn't last long,but it was present and then in another instance,I thanked and praised God for who Zoey IS,for she is exactly as God intended her to be.

Thank you for your continued pouring out of heart and spirit and of faith.You are a gift.

britta said...

I catch myself being jealous of people who have that person they can tell everything to. When I lost my best friend, I struggled and still do a year later to find that someone again.

Your blog helps me so much...thank you.