This past Sunday was the day I've been anticipating for the past 6 months, not to mention training my butt off for. I had the very cool opportunity to compete in the Philadelphia SheROX triathlon, along with a great group of other women who took some time to help me remember my little boy!
The race was so much fun, an experience I will never forget. I pushed myself harder than I thought I could, felt some deep emotions that I thought were long gone, and ultimately proved the amazing healing that God has begun in my heart since the death of my little boy.
I went into this race with not much else on my mind but the finish line and my sweet Gavin. At about mile 10 of the bike, my emotions lets loose and I had a good old cry. It's funny how the way we feel about a completely different topic can help us identify feelings that we have with a totaly unrelated topic. It was our second time around the bike course -- a course that included a pretty nasty hill climb. By the second lap I was so tired and started to feel so angry that I had to face that mountain again. Somehow my emotions went from being angry at that stupid hill to being to angry that my little boy was not here to watch me cross the finish line.
God and I had a good time having it out over the course of my 2 hour race.
Ultimately He won.
I was once again reminded of the power of laying down my own agenda for life and embracing what God choose to place before me. I don't always like it -- many times it just sucks and is beyond understanding. But if I choose to look beyond my own disappointment in plan B, I start to see that this is a pretty darn amazing place to be.
Then I crossed the finish line with Madi by my side, received my metal and thanked God for the freakin' amazing 3 1/2 years he gave me with my little boy.