Christmas is a rather difficult time for families who have lost loved ones. This will be our second Christmas without our beautiful little boy. It seems like last Christmas we were still on that "high" after his death that I'm not sure the holiday's hit as hard as people thought they would. Gavin's last few Christmas' here on earth were great but filled with lots of unknowns -- we were always either in the midst of medical crisis or just getting discharged from the hospital. Never the less our family and friends always made this time of year so special for us no matter where our current home was.
This year has been a little more difficult. But difficult is not always a bad thing. This year I am much more able to just sit with my overwhelming feelings of missing my sweet baby boy and just simply reflect on life and they amazing things that we learned through our little boy's life and also enjoy the amazing gifts he gave to us -- including his new little sister.
I was thinking this morning on my way into work how, although obviously Gavin's story does not mean more to me than the birth of Jesus, but in so many ways God has shown me His story through the life and death of my own little boy. I have a good idea of what Mary must have been thinking the night she gave birth, knowing that her son would one day die. I can catch a glimpse of how amazing God's love was for us, his people, knowing that He would soon experience the most horrific of pains -- watching his son die. A slow painful death.
Wow -- it's overwhelming.
The story of Christmas pours out of Gavin's life and death. The meaning of what life is all about -- hope, love, joy -- the desire to look beyond our current circumstances and still choose to love and be loved by an amazing savior.
Mommie misses you more than ever. Have the most amazing Christmas is heaven -- which seems to be the best gift ever!