The last days of Gavin's death were such a whirlwind on so many levels. The obvious and most painful was the fact there we were losing our little boy. But there were so many other issues swirling around us like the issues that come along with withdrawling care and the fact that we wanted to come home, yet Gavin would not have made the ambulance ride home. Then there's the fact that we didn't really have a home. For those who are not familiar with our story, we were set to move into a new home, our current home, the weekend Gavin died. Our community came together to renovate an existing house and make it wheelchair accessible for our little boy and his new power chair. People worked day and night to get the house ready before he died -- sadly, Gavin was just ready to go, and died that very same weekend.
Hours after Gavin went to heaven we drove home to a house I had never seen finished before. I didn't even recognize it. Last time I was in the house was when it was simply a shell. Our wonderful family and friends moved our entire apartment into our new home the day and night before Gavin died. When we came home our home was all set up. Our bed was made, clothes were folded and put away and the house was nicely arranged. Weeks and months after Gavin's death I would go into his room and find things that I had not previously seen before. I had a basket of mail that I never went through stashed away in his closet, medical supplies that were just to painful to sort through and of course things like his clothing and blankets.
At some point last year as we were awaiting the arrival of Angela I knew it was time to clean out the room -- time to go into that dreaded closet I had been avoiding for some time. In the top drawer of his dresser I found this square red piece of cloth with the word RESERVED written boldly across the top. It took a second to figure out what in the world this odd cloth was for -- then I remembered it was the same piece of fabric we drape over the chairs at church to reserve them for Pastor and other people who need to be seated up front.
I later learned that the week before Gavin's death there was a speaker at the church who was praying for people to be healed. At that point, people from across the world were petitioning God for Gavin's healing and our church family was no different. From what I heard someone grabbed that meaningless piece of fabric for this man to pray over and for us to receive as a representation of the prayer this man had prayed over Gavin. Anyway, someone then placed this fabric in Gavin's crib and that word RESERVED took on new meaning -- this crib was reserved for Gavin -- He needed to find his healing and come home.
I haven't thought about that cloth for a long time. The other day we when the weather decided to warm up for a brief second I took the girls out on the deck. Something just made me get that feeling -- you know, the feeling that somehow starts to churn in your soul that tells you, you are in the very place God wants you to be in -- that somehow you did good, you followed the correct path and you have arrived at the perfect destination. I looked at both my girls and it clicked -- This home received the very prayer that was prayed over that silly piece of fabric. This home was RESERVED for her -- Angela, our new little girl.
It is absolutely mind blowing to step back and just ponder how the little details of our lives are woven together to create our future. I was reminded once again of His faithfulness to this family. Angela is home -- and I truly believe has been waiting for us since before she was born.
Our family was RESERVED just for her.