Wednesday, March 23, 2011

{Beautiful Reminders}

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These past few weeks I have received some really amazing emails from readers across the country.  I think this is so amazing for  a few reasons -- one, I still find it crazy that our story has spread in the way it has.  Who would have thought that God would use me -- to give us this opportunity to live this amazing life and this walk this powerful journey.  The second reason I love these emails is that they remind me of why I write the things I do -- why I choose to reveal the good the bad and the down right ugly.

One email I received was from a fellow grieving mother.  It seems like we have lived very similar stories and this reader was asking how I find the ability to still trust and have faith in a God that allowed this intense suffering to happen -- how he let our child die. I was so grateful for the reminder to simply go back and remember -- how do Adam and I hold on to our faith, trusting that God is faithful even in the most horrific of times.

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I took some time to just simply remember.  I remembered a time where Gavin was suffering beyond words could describe.  I vividly remember my little boy laying on the hospital bed trying to crawl out of his own skin.  Not even my touch could comfort him -- I could only sit.  Sit and watch my baby's body attack itself causing severe pain and suffering.  I remember being so angry at God.  I remember trying to desperately understand how a God who promises hope, peace and healing could choose not to allow my son to experience freedom from his illness.

It was at that time that I started to get it. Don't be fooled -- I'll never really fully get it, no one will.  But, I started to understand that the ability to choose to still believe in spite of the reality that was being blasted in our faces brought a freedom and joy like no other.  I believed that even though my physical eyes were witnessing the slow death of my child my spirit choose to see the amazing healing that being done right before our very eyes.  It may not have been the healing we all wanted but it was the healing we all needed -- the ability to see hope, the ability to believe, the ability to experience the deepest of joys -- choosing to see the amazing purpose my little boy had on this earth, the purpose our family has here on this earth.

Thanks for all your emails.  Thanks for helping me to go back and simply remember why I believe what I believe.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

You have touched so many lives through your story. It is amazing to see, as a reader, the incredible things God continues to do to others through you. Our paths are different, but you have helped me see the beauty in even the deepest tragedy. Thank you for being so open and raw with your feelings. It is much appreciated!

Ashley Hoppus
Fort Wayne, Indiana

Anonymous said...

You and your family are amazing witnesses to the awesome power of God! If your story helps even one person turn to Him, you have made an enormous difference in this world! Keep doing what you are doing.

emmiewyatt said...

I, too, am a lurker. I am SO glad that someone had the courage to ask you this when I have wondered it EVERY time I read your blog. My son was born prematurely almost 6 years ago. Today he is a healthy, thriving little boy, but for the last 6 years I have continuously questioned my faith. I questioned God when I was going through rough times and others (like you and Adam) choose to RELY on your faith through your rough times. You continue to inspire me to be a better wife, mother, friend and PERSON with every post you make to your blog. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

I found your story thru a mutual friend. She had your family on her blog. So I clicked on your blog, and have not looked back. I pray everyday, and thank God everday for you, & what you bring to the whole world. I never had the honor of meeting Gavin, but to say he and your family touched me is an understatement. I am truly blessed & grateful...that He has you showing all of us the Way..home to Him. As Gavin did and continues to do. Thank you..

Peg Holden
Illinois

Chris said...

Ironically my husband and I were having this conversation at dinner. He has a much stronger faith than I do, as our upbringings were very different. I admire his unwavering, non-questioning faith, when there have been so many times that I simply wonder how he can be so sure. At times I think he has a peace that I don't have, and wonder if I ever will.

Anonymous said...

I have to come out of lurkdom, as well. I decided years ago that religious faith had no place in my life, and still your amazing faith inspires me. Your strength is a testimony for the incredible human spirit, and your love as a mother humbles me. Thank you a thousand times for sharing your life with all of us.

TusaRebecca said...

I agree with Ashley! I'm amazed! On one hand I'm sorry that you have to experience so much grief. On the other hand I can't believe how many lives you've touched. Big Man has a plan!

Anonymous said...

I just scrolled down on your blog and saw that little perfect face. So hard to think how sick he was on the inside. I come by often and am always inspired by you comments that really hit home for me. Thank you for sharing your life with everyone.

Chelsea
Chicago, IL