These past few weeks I have received some really amazing emails from readers across the country. I think this is so amazing for a few reasons -- one, I still find it crazy that our story has spread in the way it has. Who would have thought that God would use me -- to give us this opportunity to live this amazing life and this walk this powerful journey. The second reason I love these emails is that they remind me of why I write the things I do -- why I choose to reveal the good the bad and the down right ugly.
One email I received was from a fellow grieving mother. It seems like we have lived very similar stories and this reader was asking how I find the ability to still trust and have faith in a God that allowed this intense suffering to happen -- how he let our child die. I was so grateful for the reminder to simply go back and remember -- how do Adam and I hold on to our faith, trusting that God is faithful even in the most horrific of times.
I took some time to just simply remember. I remembered a time where Gavin was suffering beyond words could describe. I vividly remember my little boy laying on the hospital bed trying to crawl out of his own skin. Not even my touch could comfort him -- I could only sit. Sit and watch my baby's body attack itself causing severe pain and suffering. I remember being so angry at God. I remember trying to desperately understand how a God who promises hope, peace and healing could choose not to allow my son to experience freedom from his illness.
It was at that time that I started to get it. Don't be fooled -- I'll never really fully get it, no one will. But, I started to understand that the ability to choose to still believe in spite of the reality that was being blasted in our faces brought a freedom and joy like no other. I believed that even though my physical eyes were witnessing the slow death of my child my spirit choose to see the amazing healing that being done right before our very eyes. It may not have been the healing we all wanted but it was the healing we all needed -- the ability to see hope, the ability to believe, the ability to experience the deepest of joys -- choosing to see the amazing purpose my little boy had on this earth, the purpose our family has here on this earth.
Thanks for all your emails. Thanks for helping me to go back and simply remember why I believe what I believe.