School starts in just a few days, so here comes my post written out of panic -- out of my mommie fears of letting her go -- letting her go to first grade. Public school works for our family. I have nothing against homeschooling kids and even feel that in many families it works out great, but for our family -- our personalities and for our purpose and mission as a family, public school fits in great. With that said I believe strongly that we as parents are responsible for the education of our children. In my mind the important education is not numbers and words but rather ethics, spiritual truth and self-worth and esteem -- all of which comes from this house, equipping our little girl to make the difficult choices she will one day be faced with, within the public school system.
Anyway, back to my fears. She is my baby. In many ways when I look at her and she's telling me about how she needs an upgrade for her broken hand-me-down no service iPhone I see this twenty year old trapped in a six year old body. Then I really look harder and I still see my baby -- you know, the one that I held for the first time and made me a mommie for the first time. Ugh.
Letting go has always been one of my most difficult things to do. When you add in the fact that this is about my little girls life it makes it even harder. I worry about if kids will like her. I worry that she will stutter and people will not understand her. I worry that she will start telling the story of her life and people will not fully understand the awesomeness of her story. I worry that she will eat a peanut and go into anaphalaxis.
Then I take a deep breath.
God has placed his hand on Madison's life in such a way that even is to deep for me as her mother to understand. He has intricately woven the details of her life to prepare her for such a time as this -- first grade, this is part of her story -- the good the bad and the amazing. I could shelter Madison until the day she dies but in reality I would be keeping God from writing the amazing chapters of her life.
Wednesday I'm letting her go. I'm letting her go to test out her own waters. I'm letting her go to use all the skills and gifts that God has used Adam and I to instill within her. And yes, I'm letting her go to most likely come home in tears one day. But with tears comes healing and understanding and the most awesome chance for me to be her mommie and make it all better.
Happy first grade to my amazing little girl.