School starts in just a few days, so here comes my post written out of panic -- out of my mommie fears of letting her go -- letting her go to first grade. Public school works for our family. I have nothing against homeschooling kids and even feel that in many families it works out great, but for our family -- our personalities and for our purpose and mission as a family, public school fits in great. With that said I believe strongly that we as parents are responsible for the education of our children. In my mind the important education is not numbers and words but rather ethics, spiritual truth and self-worth and esteem -- all of which comes from this house, equipping our little girl to make the difficult choices she will one day be faced with, within the public school system.
Anyway, back to my fears. She is my baby. In many ways when I look at her and she's telling me about how she needs an upgrade for her broken hand-me-down no service iPhone I see this twenty year old trapped in a six year old body. Then I really look harder and I still see my baby -- you know, the one that I held for the first time and made me a mommie for the first time. Ugh.
Letting go has always been one of my most difficult things to do. When you add in the fact that this is about my little girls life it makes it even harder. I worry about if kids will like her. I worry that she will stutter and people will not understand her. I worry that she will start telling the story of her life and people will not fully understand the awesomeness of her story. I worry that she will eat a peanut and go into anaphalaxis.
Then I take a deep breath.
God has placed his hand on Madison's life in such a way that even is to deep for me as her mother to understand. He has intricately woven the details of her life to prepare her for such a time as this -- first grade, this is part of her story -- the good the bad and the amazing. I could shelter Madison until the day she dies but in reality I would be keeping God from writing the amazing chapters of her life.
Wednesday I'm letting her go. I'm letting her go to test out her own waters. I'm letting her go to use all the skills and gifts that God has used Adam and I to instill within her. And yes, I'm letting her go to most likely come home in tears one day. But with tears comes healing and understanding and the most awesome chance for me to be her mommie and make it all better.
Happy first grade to my amazing little girl.
7 comments:
Aww, my KayTar started first grade last week! I can't believe she is that big...Josh and I still call her "the baby" when we talk sometimes!
You are the best mom ever!Doing what is the best for your child, your family and this time. That is what is best! One of the things I have learned being a mom is to do what is best for my child for that year that works for our family. We have public schooled, homeschooled, Christian schooled and a combo of them depending on the boy and what he needed. Have all years been perfect. Nope. But we love where we are now, and we loved most of the adventures we went through with each boy. (right now we have one in college, one in public high school, and one in Christian school-they love it. well as much as a boy can love school!!)
God bless you and your family. I pray for you often!
Molly-Texas
Every year on the first day of school you will feel that tug in your heart.
My middle son called me this morning and told me that today is his LAST FIRST day of school. He is a college senior....and you know what....my heart still tugs.
Your sweet daughter will blossom in ways you won't imagine and yes, her heart will break at times, but each time it will heal stronger.
Letting go is the hardest part of parenting.
roots and wings - those are two important concepts we as parents need to teach our children - right now you are struggling with the wings part - ( i so understand that struggle) good luck
Thank you, thank you for posting this! I have been struggling with letting my little guy go to first grade and the words you wrote spoke to my heart.
Oh how perfectly you word it all. It is our job as parents to teach them and supply them with all of the morals and values that we hold dear and wish them to hold dear as well. It is then our sad job to let them go and use those tools we have (hopefully) taught them. I feel a tug every new school year as well. I so enjoy having the kids all to myself all summer long that it breaks my heart to hand them back over to, what can be, the devils playground. It is such a struggle for our children to stay on the right track and path when they are surrounded by others who look to the world as their guide and not God. I have never talked as much as I talk now to our children about life, choices, expectations and taking the moral high-ground even when it seems as though noone else is willing to join them. We seem to constantly reassure them that doing what is right in the eyes of God will ALWAYS have a winning outcome.
Please know that you are never alone in your thoughts, concerns, worries or questions. You aren't even alone in your need for total control in your childrens lives. I struggle with it everyday. Having a teeneager in the house has certainly added to that struggle!! He needs to be given the freedom to make some of his own decisions without as much of my two cents but it is near killing me. What keeps me focused is that God IS the one in control. I am simply fooling myself to think that I can control any of this anyway!!
You are both wonderful parents and you know that she needs wings. Small ones for now but bigger ones as she grows. God was so wise in making this a slow process for ALL of us!!
Blessings,
Kirsten
We dealt with the tears of our kindergartner tonight. My heart broke and hard lessons for all of us were learned. It is hard to be a mom.
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