After Adam and I experienced the death of our little boy we were forever changed. Our entire view on life and it's meaning was boosted to a whole new level. I guess no one can really fully understand the frailty of life until they experience the process of death, particularly the death of a child.
After Gavin died I wrote this blog post and will probably rePost it as long as I possible can. These words, coming just weeks after I said goodbye to my little boy, are raw and help remind me the importance of living life to the fullest and truly thanking God for the life he has blessed each of us with.
November 25, 2009...
November 25, 2009...
Growing up I was always taught that Thanksgiving is a time to think about what we are grateful for -- the blessing we have in our lives. I remember in Sunday School making little crafts often times listing the top ten things we are grateful for this past year. In all honesty, do we really actually take the time to think about just how grateful we are. It's weird how our human minds work -- it's hard to recognize the good things in our life until they are gone.
This year my heart is overwhelmed and my mind is just about shot from the countless hours going back and thinking about the past four years. Did I ever really thank God for life? Not only my life but the life of my husband and the life of my children. Life is such a funny thing. We tend to think it's guaranteed -- and then *poof* one day it is gone.
I really feel in my heart that Adam and I tried to make the best out what we were handed over these past several years. But I just have to think back at all the times I should have been thanking God and instead I was looking for a new day, a way out of our situation.
Even when life seems unfair, when jobs stink and children are getting on our last nerves -- there is so much to be thankful for. I remember the day before we took Gavin off the bipap -- I looked at the monitor and just prayed that one of those breaths would be triggered by his own little body. Each time a breath was taken without the ventilator forcing the air in -- my heart jumped with such excitement. My entire being was so focused on each and every rise of my little boy's chest.
If only we lived each day as it was not only our last day of life -- but our last breath.
God -- thank you for life.