Monday, January 9, 2012

{Finding Freedom}

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This past week we have been on a roller coaster of emotions concerning Jayden's adoption.  Last week we were under the impression that he was coming home very soon -- as in this week.  We were very excited but guarded, the reason we didn't share any dates publicly.  Well this week, as we kinda feared, the date for him to move in was once again moved.  Ugh.  We were so disappointed beyond words.  It's so complicated and lots of stuff I can't share but It all is just about paperwork and court orders and timing.  

We left Jayden last Friday so tired and frustrated.  It's so hard when you love a child so much to not be able to being him home just because of loose ends and paper work.  The facility where he is living has been so amazing in helping us progress through our training fast and effectively. To be fully trained and ready and still not be able to bring him home is frustrating.  We are now, however, able to take home for the day and will do so several times a week until he is able to officially move home. This Saturday he came home for the first time and we all had an amazing time.  He was a totally different kid.  He was looking all around, very in control and so happy, giving us lots of smiles. He's always a happy boy but you could tell he knew he was somewhere special.

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Life is filled with so many moments that we as humans can not possibly understand.  After we left on Friday we just questioned why God felt this week was not the time for Jayden to come home. I know there is a reason and we are choosing to trust in God's perfect timing.  To be honest we could sit for hours running through scenarios in our mind trying to figure out the answer to all this, but one thing we have learned through out journey with Gavin, and are continuing to learn is that sitting questioning why, only brings intense turmoil and such an unsettled feeling.  By choosing to simply say we don't get it -- we don't like it -- but we are going to choose to believe that there is greater purpose and reason we may or may not one day understand -- amazing freedom comes.

Letting go and choosing to wave the white flag is both one of the hardest and easiest decisions to make. 

This Tuesday we get to bring Jayden home over night as our last step in our training.  A nurse from the facility will come with us and observe to make sure we are able to handle all his care though out the night by ourselves.  We are very excited to have him for the night but also bummed since this will be the only overnight visit until he comes home which looks like will be another month away.

Once day closer right?  





6 comments:

Francine said...

I can't wait to her the whole background story on how Jayden came to be where he is. And I know I am not the only one who wants to see his face!

Keeping taking things one day at a time. A year from now, this will seem like so long ago.

Sending prayers and hugs your way.
-Francine from CT

Phyllis said...

So hard to wait but of course he is worth it. I am happy that they take such care to ensure that each adoptive family is prepared and capable of caring for these special kids! Can't wait til the whole family is together! I recall similar feels when my boys were in the NICU. The longer it went, the more in love i was and the harder it was to leave them.

Laura said...

I so love your blog and your honesty. Praying GOD's blessings during this time for you and your sweet family. What an inspiration you are! Love and prayers headed your way.

Laura from Fl.

JayCee said...

One day closer!

Kirsten Yarnall said...

Walking this with you in faith and patience. You know that Gods plan is such much bigger and better than ours. We will be praying with and for you that this time goes by qiuckly and that before you know it your family will be complete. Sending hugs and love to you all.

emmiewyatt said...

Hey there - I am a lurker who has been following your blog for years and am continuously inspired by you. I was recently made aware of a mommy and her son Tripp who is battling a terminal disease. My heart is crushed for them and the first thing that came to my mind was to put you in touch with her. NOBODY can imagine what she is going through....except you. I just wanted to pass along her blog...and maybe you have already seen it. http://randycourtneytripproth.blogspot.com/