{Fly, Little Bird}

So much has been happening with little miss Angela, but with all the craziness surrounding Jayden's adoption I've had little time to sit down and do an update on the little queen.  Angela has had one heck of a past 6 months.  It started with her nissen surgery, which she had horrible time recovering from  -- it took her little belly almost 3 months to wake up and return to baseline.  She went from oral feeding to TPN all in a few weeks.  Thankfully she is back to baseline -- even better now that thanks to the nissen!

After her recovery from surgery Angela began to make huge progress in her physical development.  She was stronger than ever.  She started taking independent steps in her gait trainer and could stand up against a table or couch for a few minuets.  Angela, like every other child in the tri state area, begun with a nasty cold.  It was relentless and took a major toll on her body.  With the illness came seizures and with seizures came very sad regression.  No more stepping, no more standing and lots of self stimming.  This is my first experience with seizures.  Angela has always been diagnosed with a seizure disorder but they have been very controlled to the point that we were talking with her neurologist about weaning her off the Keppra.  Now her dose is doubled and she is still breaking through. Seizures stink.

With that said, Angela is an amazing stubborn little girl.  She's fighting back and is slowly regaining skills and starting to act like the Angela we know.  We are still working with her neuro team to get an upper hand on her little brain.  

Can you believe Angela in going to turn four this Summer?  I am in total shock and maybe a bit of denial.  Due to her adoption and our desire to create an environment of permanency and security for her, Angela did not move on to a preschool program after she graduated from birth to three services.  I'm so glad we made this decision.  Despite the slack we received, I could not be happier with how this past year has turned out.  We did initially have an IEP (messed up one, but an IEP) and I'm proud to report that Angela has met most of the goals without the crazy amount of services they recommend for her.  I know this is not for everyone but it worked for our family and most importantly it worked for Angela.  But now we need to start looking at school.  Oh my gosh -- school.  Really?

I've learned so much over the past six years regarding special needs and one of the most important things I've learned is that a child's success and failure often lies within the hands of the parent.  We have a unique ability to both hold them back and push them forward and the crazy part is that those two actions are normally both out of love.  I love Angela so much -- we have watched her transform into this amazing child -- breaking out of the shell that held her deep within herself.  Out of my love, I want to keep her with me forever, after all, I know her best and I've come to learn how her little mind works.  But that would really only hold her back.  I'm needing to remind myself of this every time I think of sending her to school.  

Angela will rock school.  I know she will.  I just need to let go and let her fly.  My fears of people not correcting her inappropriate behavior, other people's inability to understand her language and her taking advantage of other's peoples lack of "Angela knowledge" are all valid, but how can she learn if I don't let her try?  

Next week I'll be touring what I think will be her preschool in the fall.  It's a typical preschool classroom where she will receive all the support she needs through the IU.  I'm so excited for her to have this opportunity. If it works, great.  If it doesn't work we will explore other environments.  I'm excited for her to test out all the skills she has learned over this past year and a half but most of all I'm excited for my little bird to fly.