I will be the first to admit that this little man is a challenge. Jayden is his own person -- he is so unlike most brain injured children. He follows no rules of what he should or should not be doing. He is writing a whole new book. Every therapist that has been in this house will just sit and watch Jayden. What you read on paper and what you see in person creates this contrast that can be hard to understand. It's hard to sort out what difficulties are due to the brain trauma and what are due to his lack of family his first two years of life.
We have had a rough couple weeks. Late last week I was reaching stress levels I haven't felt in a very long time. The constant redirection and behavior modification -- it was just really getting to me. I had a few times to myself where I would go out and run and I had the same conversation with God each and every time -- how in the world am I going to do this?
It's funny, and I know I've mentioned before -- these feeling are not new at all, in fact I'm now starting to remember going through this very same process with Angela. Feeling like the hurdle in front of me was so big. Feeling like the challenges were just to difficult to face.
Then this weekend happened.
Something clicked in Jayden these past few days. The little boy who once lived in his own bubble started to come out. He has begun to smile and his awareness and ability to interact with his world around him has taken off to levels that are mind blowing. He is vocalizing to the point where he will mimic words with un-enunciated little grunts. He is looking me in the eyes -- He is telling us yes and no -- He is giving hugs and kisses and He is finding further control of his body.
We are totally watching the miracle happen.
This past Sunday in church, Pastor mention this -- Just because we don't hear God doesn't mean that he isn't moving. In fact, in my experience I would say that in the times I felt God was the furthest away, in the times where I wondered what the heck was going on -- those how could this ever happen moments, those were the very times God was moving the most.
It is both so difficult yet so freakin' amazing to watch the miracle happen. I expect there to be many times where I'll question -- what the heck? -- but the understanding and knowledge that God just might be doing the most miracle working during those times will totally get me through.