I'm not a good mom. Ok -- I guess I need to explain. When I was a little girl I didn't play house or play with Barbies -- actually, I was Barbie's worst nightmare. I could pop a head off in a second flat. I never imagined I would ever get married -- never really dreamed of my wedding. So needless to say, four months into our marriage, when we found out that we were expecting our first little girl, Madison, I wasn't exactly prepared.
But now seven years later, I can proudly say I'm not a good mom. Again, let me explain. You know those mom's who just have preschool flowing through their blood? The ones who think of daily crafts and activities to enrich their little ones minds -- that's not me. Motherhood just doesn't come naturally for me. But what I have learned is sometimes the best mothers are the ones who admit they are the worst. Mom's like me make daily choices to be intentional -- to step out of what feels natural and trust that God would use us in the most powerful way to grow our children and pour into their lives.
During the times where I can see and admit my weakness as mother -- it's during those times where I feel the most powerful. It just takes an awful lot of pressure off me. God never meant for us Mom's to do this alone and I can guarantee you that I'm not the only Mom who loathes the thought of play dough, finger paint and other preschool novelties.
In my weakness He is made ever so strong.
Mother's day is always pretty interesting around here. Brings up lots of emotions for me. Lots of pauses where I sit and wish all my babies where here on Earth, available to squeeze tight. But God always seems to meet me where I'm at, help me feel the pain and point me back to that feeling of deep Hope and Joy.
I can't help but wonder and hurt for Angela and Jayden's birth mother's. A mother is always a mother no matter what choices are made. And although it is very easy to feel anger towards these women, I can't help but grieve their loss of their amazing children and at the same time feel the deepest of gratitude for giving them life.
Anyway -- I couldn't thank God enough for making me a mom -- the perfect mommie for my babies. I'm so grateful to walk this journey with full confidence that I was never intended to do it alone.