I can't believe my baby boy would have turned six today. I can remember the day he was born like it just happened yesterday. After a difficult pregnancy my water ruptured at twenty eight weeks and I sat in the hospital for two weeks just waiting for my tiny baby to be born. I had no idea on that day that three and a half years later we would say good bye and watch his tiny white casket be buried into the ground.
His birthday's get my mind and heart wondering -- what would he be like today? To be honest I have so much trouble just thinking of possibilities. I guess part of that is because it just hurts so bad to think what could have been. But then again -- could it really ever have been? I feel so strongly in heart and mind that Gavin's life and death was meant to be. As much as it hurts -- our little boy had an amazing mission here on Earth a mission to show the world what it means to find joy in suffering and show mankind how to really truly live life to its fullest. Just so much to ponder.
I of course would love to catch just a glimpse of my sweet boy. I have always hoped that people don't age after they die. I don't really care what correct theology is -- I have my own ideas and I'm pretty sure God thinks that's just fine. I have shared before about how Gavin was buried in a red long sleeve tee which was more than two sizes too small due to his swelling in his last days and a pair of scull and cross bone leg warmers -- that was it. No diaper, no undies -- just his cute little butt hanging out. You can read more about that by clicking here, but it gives you an idea of what I'm picturing.
I can just imagine him sitting in his wheelchair playing with his trucks and tools, maybe with his binky hanging half way out of his mouth. It's kinda funny that I still see him in his chair right? But I just have a feeling that God wouldn't want me to miss out on his first steps and just maybe the moment we meet again he will walk right to his mommie's arms. I can almost feel the warmth of his skin.
I know he's gone. But let me tell you this. He is so very alive. I don't think I really need to explain how the legacy left in his three short years of life runs so deeply through our family. It follows us around where ever we go -- sets us apart, defines our past and has helped set the foundation for our future.
Happy birthday my sweet little boy.