Monday, July 22, 2013



Gosh it was hot, and the bugs were enough to send me right back to the van and head straight back home.    It was time for the picnic but my stress ridden mind was interrupting the happy fun event as anything but a picnic.  Adam and I finally got the kids down to the pool area -- our first time taking all four kids swimming at once.  Normally this isn't a big deal.  We are a super active family, we do crazy things all the time, but this time I messed up.  I chose not to wear my bathing suit which meant there was one adult to man the three little ones -- three little ones with not so typical needs.

Five minutes later, As I sat on the pool edge in soggy denim shorts with one hand hanging onto the baby and the other on Angela's leg as she thrashed wanting so desperately to go under the water, they called for dinner.  They called for dinner.  Let me just repeat it one more time -- they called for dinner.  

Deep breath.


Adam and I looked at each other in a bit of disbelief and just sat/stood there for a sec.  We finally gave in and loaded all the kids back into their various chairs and seats and made the walk back up the hill and around the tent to enjoy dinner.

As we walked Adam and I both had this moment of, oh my gosh what have we gotten ourselves into, panic.  I said to Adam that it is in times like this that I am reminded that we are not normal, that our life is not easy -- that we are making a huge sacrifice.


But as we sat and I watch other people love on our kids my heart felt at peace.  Our life is perfect. Perfect, in a crazy chaotic insane way.  As I watched Jayden wheel away in his chair crashing into the beverage station, and as I listened to Angela scream and convulse in her chair wanting to go back into the water and as the baby charmed her way into every one's hearts -- it was a beautiful image of life -- our life; the life God choose us to live.

At times I have moments of panic. Our kids need so much.  Angela will probably never walk.  Jayden will need twenty-four hour care for the rest of his life, the baby's future is so unknown.

Deep breath.


Our life is perfect.  Perfect, in a crazy chaotic insane way.

It's in the panic that I can see perfection -- His perfection; His perfect plan.

As my heart and soul embraces His perfect plan, the panic slowly slips away and I again find the strength and courage to embrace our calling, purpose and destiny.

*As a reminder we cannot show the little ones face until adoption is finalized.  Trust me she is beautiful!


Jess said...

I love watching your family grow. I also love Angela's face in the last picture looking on to the new addition. Adoption is never easy, neither is special needs, but it's so amazing when you can truly see the beauty in it. Sometimes in my own trenches I can't see it. Know I see it in your journey and it inspires me to look at our own journey over and over and see the beauty even amist the challenges.

Jess said...

Love watching your family grow. It's so beautiful. I also love Angel's face watching your new addition in the last shot. Thank you for sharing such beauty, sometimes it's hard to see and feel when your in the trenches of the work of odoption. Thank you for inspiring me to look beyond the day to day challenges.

Vanessa said...

I just wanted to say that I have been reading your blog for the past few months, and I honestly have no idea how I even got here. But I am glad I did.

I think you are brave. So many people want to do good things and serve the Lord, but you and your family are actually DOING them. The joy you have brought to the lives of your children is so overwhelmingly evident. Your family is definitely "different" than others... and it is beautiful.

You inspire me to live every day to the fullest. This particular post has reminded me that I need to appreciate those little moments of calm when everything feels right with the world, even if your world involves crying/whining babies and huge messes only kids can make.
Thank you.

Anonymous said...

I am feeling so lucky that you give strangers a chance to watch your family grow. And feeling so lucky, also, to witness your daughter Maddie's face as she looks on her siblings with such joy and love. You are raising some awesome kids, and one remarkable young adult!!!! Kudos!

Anonymous said...

I love reading your blog. You are such an inspiration...You're family is beautiful.

Susanna said...

I just found your blog and laughed with understanding and teary eyes as I read this post. Bless you today as you love your beautiful children!